So im sitting here after my last night at work before i go back to school. I’ve really been struggling with something about myself and i dont understand it. Why has my life seemed so easy. I have two great parents who have been together for over 20 years and still married, a great sister who loves me so much more than i know, a house over my head, food in my fridge, a college to attend, a job, a car to drive, an amazing girlfriend, great friends, and im doing better in my relationship with jesus than i ever have before. If you think im bragging or boasting your wrong, im thankful every single day for what has been given to me… but at times i wonder why has all this been given to me? What have i done to deserve all this? Nothing. Ive done nothing to deserve this. Compared to so many people who i know who have been hurt so deeply by people they thought they could trust, or friends who have lost a parent or my Younglife kids who come from such broken homes. I mean today i was reading on facebook and one of my younglife guys was making remarks about suicide and leaving this world. I talked to him and i just dont understand how someone can be at such a low point in their life to where ending it would be the only solution. I guess something i’ve been struggling with is that in my 20 years of living, i’ve really never been truly heartbroken/depressed/hopeless/etc.. i just feel like is god waiting to throw something huge at me? i know thats not true but i cant help thinking it.. So many people i care about have gone through such shit in their lives, and mine has seemed like a walk in the park.. I hear such terrible stories of what people go through, and i have such sympathy for them, but the more i think about it, the more i feel like i cant connect because i’ve never really had to deal with something like that.. if its wrong or right i don’t know, i just pray the Lord gives me strength if something were to happen.

Why is it that it takes great tragedy for a person, or in this case a nation, to turn to God?? For instance Obama quoted scripture tonight multiple times. I’m pretty sure that’s a first. Or lebron, saying on his twitter that “gods always watching”. I guess it just frustrates me when people do stuff like that. I mean I know it’s not wrong for people to do so, but still.

Im so ready for school to be done its not even funny

I just got my season pass for Snowbowl. Im so excited!!! I want it to snow so bad right now and have the mountain open… I love snowboarding :)

Im soooo freaking excited for weekend camp!! were gonna have so many new guys coming with us and i cant wait to try and get to know them on a deeper level. I just hope that they know they can be serious with me and have an actually personal convo about life and/or even jesus if their comfortable.

I feel like i always have to be this happy go lucky person. I feel like I shouldn’t have to worry or stress over this kind of stuff. Why does this just keep coming up though? Why do people do such evil things? I mean I know about sin and everything but why? When it causes so much pain and anger. Is it worth it? How can i go from happy to angry with just the thoughts of one person who i once loved and the actions of others around him? How can i get these thoughts and this pain out of my head and heart? It sucks when you know that thanksgiving is coming and your not going over to relatives houses’s because of this hatred and hurt. And it sucks when you know that nothing is going to change anytime soon. When you know that you’ll probably never forgive him in your heart, even though you should. And when you try to reconcile things people just avoid it like it never happened. And i find myself selfishly asking why God put them on this Earth… I don’t know if thats right to ask but i feel like God knew this person’s heart when he created them, and knew what they would do with their life. So why did he allow this hurt to happen? Why all this pain? I know it’s selfish thinking but i can’t help it. When it makes me want to hit something by just thinking of it, or breaking down and crying in the dark. Why does stuff like this happen and why cant i “forgive and forget”? Why cant things go back to the way they were before all this?

Death sucks. Plain and simple it sucks. I always thought death effected family members and friends. But today i found out that thats not true, especially when your in a small town.  How can the loss of one life effect so many people, i mean who thinks of this? like you don’t think to your self, “What would people do if so and so died?” thats just something that doesn’t come up. But the loss of one person can effect a whole community.  Why would God do this? I really don’t know. I’ve thought that a lot of times about that. Why do good people have to die, especially so young? It seems so unfair i guess. But can death can be a good thing? What if someone’s suffering so bad, that death seems like the only option. And death is such a touchy subject too, people don’t like to talk about death. Thats easily understandable, because death sucks.

had a super sick time reading my bible tonight for like an hour. sadly that the longest ive ever spent in the word. definately want to make this more of a habit.